I find it amazing how so very often in life, those events we perceive as awful somehow manage to redirect us and lead us to somewhere spectacular. We can feel blind, lost, confused, and scared, and yet by some miracle, arrive in some place to which we never expected to go but that fulfills our greatest wishes and brings joy to our hearts. I feel that I am currently on such a journey, and this leads me to today’s post.
In two weeks, I will be completing my second year of naturopathic medical school, which will make me a certified half-doctor! I regret that I have not kept up this blog very well this year, but let that be a testament to how utterly time- and soul-consuming this year has been (in a good way—most of the time). For the last several months, I have been dreading the completion of this marathon of a year and my immediate launch into a frenzied July, studying for my basic science board exam, when I realized last week that I missed the application deadline to register for the exam. I had a brief meltdown—after all, studying for boards was what I was planning to do this summer!—what else is a Canadian girl going to do in the United States for three months? I can’t work here! I couldn’t possibly just relax when everyone else is studying and getting places in their education (which I should be doing too)!
And then I started to think.
And I thought for a while.
And I started to wonder if maybe I’m not supposed to take my board exam this summer! Alas! If not, then what else could I do that would make me feel less like a huge failure* and more like a legitimate half-doctor having a fulfilling and satisfying summer?
(*Disclaimer: failing to register for the exam in no way makes me a failure. I can take the exam next spring or summer! Why do we tell ourselves such unhelpful things?)
For a few days, I told everyone at school about my big “oops” moment, hoping that someone out there would also have missed the deadline so I wouldn’t feel so awful and alone. But no one else had missed the deadline, which just made me feel worse. Then one friend’s reaction changed the game:
“Erica, this is DESTINY!”
I loved it. It was exactly what I was beginning to work out for myself. Just prior to my (magical) mistake, I ended a perfectly good and promising relationship with a fantastic guy, for who knows why, and then I missed the board application deadline, both of which are highly out of character for me! Why? WHY?
I then realized that I, or the universe (or both), have set myself up to be completely free this summer.
Free·dom noun
1 the condition of being free or unrestricted.
2a a personal or civic liberty
2b absence of slave status
3 the power of self-determination; independence of fate or necessity
4 the state of being free to act
5 facility or ease in action
6 boldness of conception
-Canadian Oxford Dictionary
Freedom. One of its challenges is that the unknowns can be terrifying—Where should I go? Who am I going to meet there? What is going to happen? The thing is, all of these “terrifying unknowns” are also pure potential. When you are open, anything can happen, and this is exciting.
So exciting.
One of my “terrifying unknowns” is that enormous question of where I am going to go to set up a practice and my life when I complete my program. I’ve had it on my mind for a while that one of two things is going to happen:
1) I’m going to meet a wonderful man and marry him and move to wherever he convinces me is the perfect location. (This makes the decision really easy and requires no effort on my part).
2) I’m going to graduate without a partner and with no direction, and I’m going to have to figure out where I, Erica Volk, want to go, and then I’m going to go there and I’m going to set up my own life, and it’s going to be challenging, but it’s going to be great, because I made it happen. (This path is full of tough decisions, has the potential for loneliness, and requires a lot of exploration and exposure to many places. It’s exhausting just thinking about it!)
I realized that where I stand today, #1 isn’t happening, whereas despite being a little daunting, #2 is exciting and completely feasible. In fact, lo and behold! I now have three shiny, sparkling months of freedom right on my doorstep. Shouldn’t I pick up the package?
I’m picking it up.
I’ve decided to spend my summer traveling across Canada and the United States, preceptoring with as many doctors as I can manage, while I simultaneously develop a taste of the wonderful (and not-so-wonderful) places out there. Even if summer’s end still finds me with a question mark over my head with respect to my future geographic location, I will have accumulated a good percentage of required preceptor hours, I will have met many doctors and observed their unique approaches, and I will have been introduced to two nations’ worth of cities, towns, and people. And maybe I’ll even have a good sense of where I want to go. And the best part—I would never have set out on such an adventure if my plans had gone according to plan. The way I see it, Divine Intervention stepped in, and rather than fight her, I’m choosing to hold her hand and allow her to take me somewhere wonderful.
I couldn’t be more excited about the summer before me. I feel a warm and full sensation in my heart—a sensation that I am being taken care of and that that which is for my greatest good will come to me. As if all of this weren’t exciting enough, in the last week, I was inspired by a guest lecturer who shared the story of how naturopathic medicine led to her son's recovery from autism, which reminded me that “naturopathic medicine” doesn’t only mean studying seven days per week, having a pathetic social life, and being tired most of the time. No. It means a whole lot more.
Naturopathic medicine has the power to profoundly help people.
And I get to be a part of it.
So cool.
Stay tuned. It’s going to be a summer for the books--
In two weeks, I will be completing my second year of naturopathic medical school, which will make me a certified half-doctor! I regret that I have not kept up this blog very well this year, but let that be a testament to how utterly time- and soul-consuming this year has been (in a good way—most of the time). For the last several months, I have been dreading the completion of this marathon of a year and my immediate launch into a frenzied July, studying for my basic science board exam, when I realized last week that I missed the application deadline to register for the exam. I had a brief meltdown—after all, studying for boards was what I was planning to do this summer!—what else is a Canadian girl going to do in the United States for three months? I can’t work here! I couldn’t possibly just relax when everyone else is studying and getting places in their education (which I should be doing too)!
And then I started to think.
And I thought for a while.
And I started to wonder if maybe I’m not supposed to take my board exam this summer! Alas! If not, then what else could I do that would make me feel less like a huge failure* and more like a legitimate half-doctor having a fulfilling and satisfying summer?
(*Disclaimer: failing to register for the exam in no way makes me a failure. I can take the exam next spring or summer! Why do we tell ourselves such unhelpful things?)
For a few days, I told everyone at school about my big “oops” moment, hoping that someone out there would also have missed the deadline so I wouldn’t feel so awful and alone. But no one else had missed the deadline, which just made me feel worse. Then one friend’s reaction changed the game:
“Erica, this is DESTINY!”
I loved it. It was exactly what I was beginning to work out for myself. Just prior to my (magical) mistake, I ended a perfectly good and promising relationship with a fantastic guy, for who knows why, and then I missed the board application deadline, both of which are highly out of character for me! Why? WHY?
I then realized that I, or the universe (or both), have set myself up to be completely free this summer.
Free·dom noun
1 the condition of being free or unrestricted.
2a a personal or civic liberty
2b absence of slave status
3 the power of self-determination; independence of fate or necessity
4 the state of being free to act
5 facility or ease in action
6 boldness of conception
-Canadian Oxford Dictionary
Freedom. One of its challenges is that the unknowns can be terrifying—Where should I go? Who am I going to meet there? What is going to happen? The thing is, all of these “terrifying unknowns” are also pure potential. When you are open, anything can happen, and this is exciting.
So exciting.
One of my “terrifying unknowns” is that enormous question of where I am going to go to set up a practice and my life when I complete my program. I’ve had it on my mind for a while that one of two things is going to happen:
1) I’m going to meet a wonderful man and marry him and move to wherever he convinces me is the perfect location. (This makes the decision really easy and requires no effort on my part).
2) I’m going to graduate without a partner and with no direction, and I’m going to have to figure out where I, Erica Volk, want to go, and then I’m going to go there and I’m going to set up my own life, and it’s going to be challenging, but it’s going to be great, because I made it happen. (This path is full of tough decisions, has the potential for loneliness, and requires a lot of exploration and exposure to many places. It’s exhausting just thinking about it!)
I realized that where I stand today, #1 isn’t happening, whereas despite being a little daunting, #2 is exciting and completely feasible. In fact, lo and behold! I now have three shiny, sparkling months of freedom right on my doorstep. Shouldn’t I pick up the package?
I’m picking it up.
I’ve decided to spend my summer traveling across Canada and the United States, preceptoring with as many doctors as I can manage, while I simultaneously develop a taste of the wonderful (and not-so-wonderful) places out there. Even if summer’s end still finds me with a question mark over my head with respect to my future geographic location, I will have accumulated a good percentage of required preceptor hours, I will have met many doctors and observed their unique approaches, and I will have been introduced to two nations’ worth of cities, towns, and people. And maybe I’ll even have a good sense of where I want to go. And the best part—I would never have set out on such an adventure if my plans had gone according to plan. The way I see it, Divine Intervention stepped in, and rather than fight her, I’m choosing to hold her hand and allow her to take me somewhere wonderful.
I couldn’t be more excited about the summer before me. I feel a warm and full sensation in my heart—a sensation that I am being taken care of and that that which is for my greatest good will come to me. As if all of this weren’t exciting enough, in the last week, I was inspired by a guest lecturer who shared the story of how naturopathic medicine led to her son's recovery from autism, which reminded me that “naturopathic medicine” doesn’t only mean studying seven days per week, having a pathetic social life, and being tired most of the time. No. It means a whole lot more.
Naturopathic medicine has the power to profoundly help people.
And I get to be a part of it.
So cool.
Stay tuned. It’s going to be a summer for the books--
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